When I
first started to run I came across all number of things that filled my heart
with pure runners’ anxiety. These days, I am much more aware of how to deal
with it. So for those who want to strap on the shoes, but still fear running
outside, here are my top annoyances while running (with tips on how to deal
with them).
The weather
The weather
is basically a runner's enemy, because truly the best running weather is no
weather at all. Maybe a light breeze, a decent midrange temperature that is not
too hot or too cold. If it’s a long run, a light drizzle is quite nice.
Mostly
though the weather does things like rain heavily, or drop the temperatures to
create lethal patches of invisible ice on the road. Or be so hot, that sweat
drips endlessly from your pores and give you a form of dehydration normally
only experienced the day after drinking tequila until 5am.
Annoyance
rating 4/10
How to deal
with it: Just get on with it. If you’re already attempting to run, which if
we’re all honest at certain times can feel like torture. The added irritation
of a bit of rain or snow isn’t going to matter. And running when the weather
is bad, will give you an absolutely wonderful sense of smugness.
The good
news: Running in the rain is actually quite pleasant in its own way, and
nothing gives you the right to sit inside eating ice cream and watching Netflix
all day, than running ten miles in the freezing cold.
The public
THEY ARE
STARING AND JUDGING ME, I KNOW IT. Passing other people on the street can turn
any new runner into a gibbering wreck. Particularly when you’re wearing
unflattering running clothes (which to be frank is most running clothes) that
include any sort of neon colours.
Annoyance
rating: 5/10
How to deal
with it: Just ignore them, in a few seconds you’ll pass them and never see them
again. If you feel really bad, listen to music to block it out, but remember
you have the moral high ground here, so just get on with the running.
The good
news: Sorry to burst the ego bubble, but most people don’t really care that
much about your neon arse bouncing up the road.
Teenagers
Now
teenagers in essence often don’t mean any harm, but they have a tendency to
hang around in large groups blocking pavements, laughing loudly. It is hard to
discern if they are laughing at you, or just at the fact they don’t have to pay
bills. Whatever it is, they are unnerving.
Annoyance
rating: 6/10
How to deal
with it: I sometimes make up insults in my head I would throw at them, if they
ever threw one at me. I also imagine flipping them off while running. I am not
mature.
The good
news: Most teenagers are perfectly nice and don’t bother me, I have yet to
actually need to swear at one.
Dogs
UGH, dogs
are the bane of any runner’s existence. They tend to come in three variations:
small and yappy, large and happy and just plain scary. The small ones run
around under your feet, the large ones bound next to you incredibly chuffed to
have found a new two legged running friend and the scary ones growl much too
close to your ankles for comfort.
Annoyance
rating: 7/10
How to deal
with it: Mostly I just glare at the owners if they are around, and make sure I
can quickly jump to the side if a small terrier is about to tangle itself under
my knees. The scary ones, I just get the hell away from and hope to god nothing
happens.
The good
news: Most owners seem aware that their best friend is a nuisance to runners,
and make an effort to reel them in (thank god for leads). And so far, I have
yet to meet any particularly nasty dogs and have sustained no injuries (fingers
crossed).
Small children
If anything
could be worse than dogs, small children are definitely it. Mostly due to the
fact they aren’t kept on leads, and don’t appear to respond as well to
whistling. Small children have absolutely no sense they should probably move
away from the large person coming towards them at speed, and often seem to
totter into exactly the position you’re just about to run into. They also share
the same trait as dogs, where they love to run alongside you, like a newly
acquired toddler sidekick.
Annoyance
rating: 9/10
How to deal
with it: Try to get out of the way, and just hope they don’t kamikaze
themselves under you’re feet at the last moment. Look around for parents who
will hopefully pull them aside, and just assume that you may have to do a
really odd matrix style swerve at the last minute, to stop from stepping on
this small moving object.
Good note: I
have yet to kick a kid in the face, or fall over one. I count that as a win.
People who shout RUN, FOREST, RUN
FUCK YOU, the film is officially 20 years old!
Only exception - if your name is Forest and are about to be mauled by a bear.
Annoyance
rating: 11/10
How to deal
with it: See above
Good note:
They are probably lazy fuckers who will die of heart disease.
Notable contenders include: Leery men,
geese, and cyclists.
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Photo by Trojan_Llama.
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